Cards with Gap

Although this blog was intended to be only about my family, there is a topic I wanted to write about for theraputic purposes only.  There was a long stretch in my life where I thought things couldn't get worse.  It started with Kennedy's diagnosis and struggles with CF, my Dad's illness and death, Nolan's difficult birth and Cerebal Palsy diagnosis, as well as all the other things that seemed to go wrong with Nolan.  But after Nolan was diagnosed early in his life, things seemed to be settling down a bit and I was once again getting into the "swing of things".  Then early in 2009 I got yet another phone call that rocked my world...one that was probably the most surprising I've ever received.

Growing up in Rogers City, we are a tight knit group of folks.  I know there are a lot of bad things to be said about living in a small town, but the people are genuine and they care about one another.  I graduated in 1995 and we had somewhere around 65 people that graduated in our class (I think...any Class of 95ers wanna back me up on this?).  I played four years of varsity baseball for the mighty Hurons, and there were three other guys in my class that did the same:  Matt Schalk, Ben Taylor, and Mike Gapczynski. 

Mike Gapczynski, who from now on will just be referred to as "Gap" or "Gapper", was about as good as they came, both on the field and as a person.  He had a way of constantly making everyone around him laugh, whether it was with is spot on impersonation of Frank Konwinski (RIP Frank) umping games, or just with his sarcastic tone.  Gap was loved by all, an not only those in the Class of 95.  I'm not going to lie, there were a couple things that drove me nuts about him.  First of all, the guy just thought it was HILARIOUS to sneak up behind you and punch you in the kidneys.  He had a LOT of practice so he rarely missed the "sweet spot".  I can't even tell you how many times he dropped me to a knee with one solid jab to the mid-section.

The other thing that drove me nuts about Gapper was his ruthlessness when we played Poker.  There was a long period of time where we played cards on a regular basis, whether it was in Gap's garage, Schlak's basement, or the Felax dining room table...we just played cards all the time.  Hell, we were so addicted to gambling on cards, we used to go down to the "shack" and play "War" for money with Joe Yarch.  Yeah, you heard me right...we played WAR FOR MONEY.  But when it came to cards, Gapper was a ruthless sonofabitch!  If he had an opportunity to take your money, he would do it.  And unfortunately for the rest of us, it was VERY rare for Gapper to EVER lose money.  He was just good.  As Kenny Rogers would say, "he knew when to hold 'em, and he knew when to fold 'em."

After high school, Gapper pretty much immediately followed in the footsteps of his dad and started sailing the Great Lakes.  He would be out on the lakes for months and months at a time, then he would spend some of his down time either hanging out in Rogers City with his beloved girlfriend Alicia or going out to Vegas and having a good time with all that money he banked while on the lakes.  He was a free spirit and he just had a way of making everyone around him feel like you were important to him.  I lost touch with him for a few years while I was in college, but he eventually became one of my best friends after I graduated from college.  Out of all of my friends from high school, there was a long period of time where he was the one I talked to the most.  He loved to call from the boats and just shoot the shit...often times talking about baseball, which was one of the other loves in his life.  I remember that he thought the fact that I named my son Nolan Ryan Felax was one of the coolest things ever, and he reminded me of it often. 

But then early in 2009, I started hearing through the grapevine that Gapper had been feeling kind of sick, and I remember him telling me during one phone call that he had been really fatigued.  The life of a sailor is not an easy one, so I just assumed that it was just his body's way of telling him to slow down a bit.  He didn't seem too concerned, so neither did I.  One other thing you have to know about Gapper is that while he was fairly short, he was built like a brick shit house.  He was one of the strongest guys I knew and when he would "playfully" wrestle with you, you would more often than not feel it the next morning.  So when I heard he wasn't feeling good and that something might be wrong, I couldn't help but think he'd be fine...there wasn't anything that could bring Gap down.

I started hearing that he was going to the hospital and I eventually heard that goddamn word that I never want to EVER hear again:  Cancer.  Cancer?  He was only 31 at the time, so it was shocking to hear.  I didn't know how severe it was until I got a phone call from his cousin Benny Gapczynski, and he told me that Mike had a very deadly acute lymphoma and that the outlook wasn't good.  It was one of those moments that I'll never forget.  I still remember that I was standing on the back porch of our house here in East China, and when I hang up, I went to tell Holly.  She was in our bedroom, and I just broke down.  I felt as though things started to spin out of control again, and I just remember saying something like, "When is all this bullshit going to end?"  I know all of us felt the same way...Gap was such a beloved guy and it hurt us all to hear such horrible news. 

I tried to call Gap for quite some time but at that point he was spending much of his time in the hospital and he came very close to dying on a couple of different occasions.  The cancer was very aggressive and they had to treat it as such.  I remember feeling helpless, as did everyone else.  I hadn't heard from him for quite some time since he was in the hospital, but then one day I remember feeling shocked when I saw his name come up on my cell phone one day that summer.  He sounded weak, but he was still his same old smart assy self.  I just told him over and over how great it was to hear from him and that I thought about him often.  I was hoping I'd get a chance to get up and see him some time, but his condition was often very bad and I remember hearing on several occasions that only immediate family could see him.

Time went on, and his condition worsened, but he fought it like the tough bastard he was.  I didn't get up north very often, but it just so happened that a bunch of us were up for Christmas break that winter in 2009.  We had hoped to go over to Gap's house and play some cards since we had heard he was home for a while, but shortly before we showed up for the break, he was back over in the hospital in Petoskey.  The rest of us ended up getting together over at Santini's mom's place on the day after Christmas.  The guys that were there were me, Santini, Fleis, Sobeck, Curtis, and Paschke.  We started playing all the games that we always played...333, 444, Burn, and especially Rue.  We loved to play Rue.  We sat at Santini's mom's kitchen table, drank way more beer and Apple Pie than we should have, and we talked mostly about our friend Gap.  We told stories about the good times and we shared a lot of laughs and maybe even a few tears.

Then to our surprise, my phone rang, and the call was coming from Gap's cell phone.  Gap was on the other end and I just remember him saying, "Where are you guys playing cards?  I'm coming over."  It turned out that he had been given the go ahead to go back home that night, and he only had one thing in mind...he was going to play cards with his friends.  I told him that we would just meet him over at his house so that he could be more comfortable, and I think his reaction was something to the effect of, "Fuck that.  Where the hell are you guys.  I'll be there in 20 minutes."  I told him where we were, and we awaited his arrival.  We were all stunned that he was actually coming over but we were happy as hell.  As a group, we agreed that the one topic that would NOT come up was cancer.  We were not about to talk about what he was going through because we knew he wouldn't want to talk about it.  We treated it like it was just another night with the guys, but in hindsight, it was one of the most special nights we ever had as a group of friends.

I still remember when Gap knocked on the door and came in.  I hadn't seen him in months and I'd be lying if I told you that I wasn't shocked at what I saw.  He was just a shadow of his former self.  He had lost a lot of weight and his skin tone was greyish yellow...but the smile was still there.  He came in to us giving him hugs and shaking his hand, and being the dilligent and loving girlfriend she was, Alicia specifically said to us..."No matter how much he tells you it's ok, he is NOT to drink tonight!"  We laughed, and agreed that we wouldn't let him drink. 

Gap had a jar full of quarters that he always had, and he sat down at the table and didn't miss a beat.  We had a great time, laughing and carrying on just like we were still in high school.  We passed the deal from one guy to another around the table, with the dealer calling the game.  There were several times where someone would say something like, "Hey, do you remember that one game where you deal out four cards...." or "How the heck do you play...such and such game..." and EVERY SINGLE TIME we couldn't remember how to play a certain game, Gapper was the one to teach us.  He remembered every single game, and even though he was weak as hell and his body was obviously tired, he would patiently explain each game to all of us until we remembered how to play.

Then something remarkable happened, and it happened a couple of times.  During the game of Rue, if you have a good hand, you have the ability to seriously screw people out of a lot of money or you can be nice and only take a little bit.  We are all ruthless players when it comes to cards and we all take pleasure in kicking the shit out of one another, but Gap was always the worst.  If he had a good hand, he would play his best cards and wax the shit out of anyone in his way.  But on this night something was different.  I won't bore you with the details of how to play the game, but I remember one hand in particular where Gap was sitting on an absolute gold mine and he was assured of winning the "pot".  He also could have seriously screwed over a couple of us on his way to winning the hand, but he took mercy on us.  He still won the pot, but he let each of us get a "trick" so that we wouldn't have to pay the pot.  It was...well...weird.  Gap rarely took mercy on anyone in cards.  If he could make you pay a 30 dollar pot, he was going to do it.  But on several occasions this night, he took mercy on us.  Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty sure he still walked out the door with more money won than anyone else, but he could have seriously emptied our pockets...but he chose not to.

We all noticed it, but none of us said anything.  We played for a couple of hours and we could tell that Gapper was ready to go to bed, so he called Alicia and she came to pick him up.  We all gave him a hug and told him we were thinking about him and that we loved him...and he left with Alicia.  After he left, we immediately discussed how Gap took mercy on us...we all noticed it.  Imagine that...here he is, in the battle for his life....and HE is the one taking mercy on US.  This is the essence of why everyone loved Gapper...behind the rugged, ass-kicking exterior there was a compassionate dude that cared dearly for his friends, and that night he proved it.

I remember the next day, my brother asked me how Gap was doing.  My response was blunt but it was the way I felt.  I just said, "It looks like he is dying."  Gap tried to get another poker game together the following night, which was the 27th, but pretty much everyone had left town and we couldn't make it happen.  Then...four days later...on the 31st of December, 2009, I got a phone call in the parking lot of a bowling alley as my family and I were getting ready to go glow bowling for New Years Eve.  It was a call I wished I'd never get...it was the call that told me that Gap had died.  I cried all the tears I could get out, and tried to enjoy the evening with my family.  Gap was just 32 years old.

At it turns out, that night after Christmas is one of the most special nights I've ever shared with my friends.  We all knew that Gap was not doing well, but no one would have believed it if you would have told us that he would die just four days later.  Alicia called me the next day and asked me to be a pall bearer for the funeral and I told her I would absolutely be honored.  She told all of us at the funeral that our night of cards with Gap just made him as happy as could be.  He talked about it for days and he was just thrilled to be able to play cards with the boys...no hospital beds, no needles, no meds...nothing but a table, 52 cards, and a group of guys that were happier to see him than he was to see us, I can assure you that.

Gap always had a way of bringing all of the guys together.  He was the one that organized our yearly softball team for the Nautical Tournament, and he was always the one to try to get us together for cards or anything else during our vacations.  We had his funeral a few days later and the guys were together once again.  We told stories, we drank beers, we laughed our asses off, and we cried more tears than we've ever cried before.  Even in death, he brought us together.  He is the type of friend that doesn't come along too often, but we are all blessed to have been able to call him our friend.

Gap, I speak for all of us when I say...we love you...we miss you...and thanks again for not kicking our ass on that special night in December of 2009. 

Until next time....