Today at school when I told the students that I needed to call my wife after class, one of them asked the question, "Does your wife work?" My answer was, "That depends on your definition of work, but I'll tell you this, she works harder than anyone I know."
I wish there was some way to get everyone I know...friends, family, etc....to understand exactly how much Holly does for our family. The reason I wish this is because I think she is very misunderstood and definitely underestimated. To be honest, I don't know how she does it all and maintain an sanity at all. When things go bad, she is the one to maintain the voice of reason and evenness. Like the time that Kennedy had a HUGE head board fall on her. I pretty much freaked out when I saw the gash over her eye, but Holly calmly put a towel over it and calmly took her to the van. Or the time that our cat Charlie got hit by the car and ran/limped under our neighbors porch. I couldn't even go near him for fear of what I would see and Holly calmly walked over and pulled him out with his leg dangling precariously. She calmly put him in the cat cage and took him to the vet. Or even a couple years ago when Nolan had his first seizure in the van. I was horrified...pretty much crying and pissing myself the entire time...and Holly stayed calm and kept the girls calm. How she does it amazes me...but we wouldn't survive without it.
Those of you that knew Holly in high school knew that she was known for being a bit of a "wild child". She was probably the last person you'd ever think would have any kids, but as soon as Cheyenne was born her whole life began to revolve around her. Here we are now, two more kids and 13 years later, and her life still revolves around them. Now, it's not a rare thing to have a mother that does everything for her kids, but being in a situation like our family is definitely rare. The amount of work that is required of Holly on a daily basis is staggering. Sadly, there are people I know that think you're not a "success" if you don't work and make money for your family, but what she does for me and the kids on a daily basis is immeasurable.
Take Kennedy for example. Each and every day, she needs approximately 2 to 3 hours of treatments, nasal rinses, and other CF related chores, in addition to taking 20-30 pills a day. I do as much as I can by helping with things, but I seriously wouldn't know what the hell I was doing without Holly. She sees to it that all of the "other" CF related things are taken care of as well: Sanitizing everthing, boiling nebulizers, ordering pills, taking care of medical bills, seeing to it we get reimbursed for every penny we are owed (even if it's just a 2 dollar parking cost), and the list goes on and on. These are just the chores that need to be done all the time...but what about when Kennedy is sick? There are many nights where Holly is up until at least 3 or 4 o'clock with Kennedy because she won't stop coughing...giving treatments, medicine, and just being there for her. It would be easy to come get me up and have me help out, but she makes the sacrafice so that I can be mildly coherent for work in the morning. When Kennedy is on IV's at home, Holly spends an extra hour giving her medicine, three times a day...usually at midnight, 8 AM, and 4 PM. The medicine takes about an hour each time, so she's up in the wee hours of the morning many times. In addition, the medicine needs to be taken out of the fridge about 4 hours before she gives it, so she'll get up around 4 AM to get the medicine ready for the 8 AM dose. Honestly, it quite simply insane.
Then along came Nolan. No CF, but Cerebal Palsy. At one point, Nolan had 5 or 6 therapy appointments every week, every day except for Thursday. Holly drove him 25 minutes one way for a 45 minute appointment, sometimes two. Add in the time to get Nolan ready, then to get home and do all of the "normal stuff", and each and every day of her life is filled with insanity. Lets not forget that she goes out of her way to make sure that Nolan gets therapy work at home and makes sure that all of the kids feel special like only the way a mother can...playing games with them, laughing with them, and making sure that each of them know they are loved.
In addition to the hours of therapy and treatments with Kennedy, the hours of travel and therapy with Nolan, and making sure to spend time with Cheyenne...there are the "regular" things...doctors appointments, dentist visits, haircuts, etc. that Holly makes sure are always taken care of. If all of this were left up to me, the kids would have hair to their ankles and their teeth would be falling out. I wish I were kidding.
The one part of her life that is MOST difficult is the fact that everything she does for the kids is at the expense of her own personal life. Neither of us do a heck of a lot outside of the house, but at least I have time at work to be around other adults and get away from the madness of our lives. Holly often gets sad and depressed and there is nothing that I can really do for her except tell her I love her and thank her for everything she does. She often feels misunderstood and underappreciated, as well as sometimes feeling a sense of worthlessness because she doesn't "work outside the home". Sadly, as I mentioned before, there are others that may think that as well, but I can assure you it couldn't be further from the truth. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to know that my kids are always being taken care of by the one person that knows how to do it best. I can go to school every day and know that they are being cared for without worrying one iota about their well being. That sense of security makes me happy beyond words.
When I was asked that question by the student today, it somehow made me really think about Holly and all she does, and I felt as though I should share it. Holly and I have had our rough times like every marriage does, but the struggles we've been through have made our relationship stronger. She IS misunderstood. She IS underappreaciated. But I can assure you that no one living in this house feel that way about her. Cheyenne idolizes her and looks up to her more than anyone. Kennedy understands how much Holly does for her and even though her young body is often blasted by sickness and medication, she always feels safe and happy with Holly. And Nolan...well...if you want to see a little boy light up like a Christmas tree, just have Holly walk up to him and say hello. That leaves me:) As much as I tease her about nagging me too much and taking out all of her frustrations on me, every time I see her I know how lucky I am to have such a caring and loving wife and mother to be in my life.
Just so you know, Holly will hate me for writing this. She isn't in to "mushy" stuff or taking credit for something that she feels like is her motherly responsibility. Also, I can assure you that I've only scratched the surface of what she does for us, but I feel better getting it off my chest.
I love you Mrs. Felax.....
I wish there was some way to get everyone I know...friends, family, etc....to understand exactly how much Holly does for our family. The reason I wish this is because I think she is very misunderstood and definitely underestimated. To be honest, I don't know how she does it all and maintain an sanity at all. When things go bad, she is the one to maintain the voice of reason and evenness. Like the time that Kennedy had a HUGE head board fall on her. I pretty much freaked out when I saw the gash over her eye, but Holly calmly put a towel over it and calmly took her to the van. Or the time that our cat Charlie got hit by the car and ran/limped under our neighbors porch. I couldn't even go near him for fear of what I would see and Holly calmly walked over and pulled him out with his leg dangling precariously. She calmly put him in the cat cage and took him to the vet. Or even a couple years ago when Nolan had his first seizure in the van. I was horrified...pretty much crying and pissing myself the entire time...and Holly stayed calm and kept the girls calm. How she does it amazes me...but we wouldn't survive without it.
Those of you that knew Holly in high school knew that she was known for being a bit of a "wild child". She was probably the last person you'd ever think would have any kids, but as soon as Cheyenne was born her whole life began to revolve around her. Here we are now, two more kids and 13 years later, and her life still revolves around them. Now, it's not a rare thing to have a mother that does everything for her kids, but being in a situation like our family is definitely rare. The amount of work that is required of Holly on a daily basis is staggering. Sadly, there are people I know that think you're not a "success" if you don't work and make money for your family, but what she does for me and the kids on a daily basis is immeasurable.
Take Kennedy for example. Each and every day, she needs approximately 2 to 3 hours of treatments, nasal rinses, and other CF related chores, in addition to taking 20-30 pills a day. I do as much as I can by helping with things, but I seriously wouldn't know what the hell I was doing without Holly. She sees to it that all of the "other" CF related things are taken care of as well: Sanitizing everthing, boiling nebulizers, ordering pills, taking care of medical bills, seeing to it we get reimbursed for every penny we are owed (even if it's just a 2 dollar parking cost), and the list goes on and on. These are just the chores that need to be done all the time...but what about when Kennedy is sick? There are many nights where Holly is up until at least 3 or 4 o'clock with Kennedy because she won't stop coughing...giving treatments, medicine, and just being there for her. It would be easy to come get me up and have me help out, but she makes the sacrafice so that I can be mildly coherent for work in the morning. When Kennedy is on IV's at home, Holly spends an extra hour giving her medicine, three times a day...usually at midnight, 8 AM, and 4 PM. The medicine takes about an hour each time, so she's up in the wee hours of the morning many times. In addition, the medicine needs to be taken out of the fridge about 4 hours before she gives it, so she'll get up around 4 AM to get the medicine ready for the 8 AM dose. Honestly, it quite simply insane.
Then along came Nolan. No CF, but Cerebal Palsy. At one point, Nolan had 5 or 6 therapy appointments every week, every day except for Thursday. Holly drove him 25 minutes one way for a 45 minute appointment, sometimes two. Add in the time to get Nolan ready, then to get home and do all of the "normal stuff", and each and every day of her life is filled with insanity. Lets not forget that she goes out of her way to make sure that Nolan gets therapy work at home and makes sure that all of the kids feel special like only the way a mother can...playing games with them, laughing with them, and making sure that each of them know they are loved.
In addition to the hours of therapy and treatments with Kennedy, the hours of travel and therapy with Nolan, and making sure to spend time with Cheyenne...there are the "regular" things...doctors appointments, dentist visits, haircuts, etc. that Holly makes sure are always taken care of. If all of this were left up to me, the kids would have hair to their ankles and their teeth would be falling out. I wish I were kidding.
The one part of her life that is MOST difficult is the fact that everything she does for the kids is at the expense of her own personal life. Neither of us do a heck of a lot outside of the house, but at least I have time at work to be around other adults and get away from the madness of our lives. Holly often gets sad and depressed and there is nothing that I can really do for her except tell her I love her and thank her for everything she does. She often feels misunderstood and underappreciated, as well as sometimes feeling a sense of worthlessness because she doesn't "work outside the home". Sadly, as I mentioned before, there are others that may think that as well, but I can assure you it couldn't be further from the truth. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to know that my kids are always being taken care of by the one person that knows how to do it best. I can go to school every day and know that they are being cared for without worrying one iota about their well being. That sense of security makes me happy beyond words.
When I was asked that question by the student today, it somehow made me really think about Holly and all she does, and I felt as though I should share it. Holly and I have had our rough times like every marriage does, but the struggles we've been through have made our relationship stronger. She IS misunderstood. She IS underappreaciated. But I can assure you that no one living in this house feel that way about her. Cheyenne idolizes her and looks up to her more than anyone. Kennedy understands how much Holly does for her and even though her young body is often blasted by sickness and medication, she always feels safe and happy with Holly. And Nolan...well...if you want to see a little boy light up like a Christmas tree, just have Holly walk up to him and say hello. That leaves me:) As much as I tease her about nagging me too much and taking out all of her frustrations on me, every time I see her I know how lucky I am to have such a caring and loving wife and mother to be in my life.
Just so you know, Holly will hate me for writing this. She isn't in to "mushy" stuff or taking credit for something that she feels like is her motherly responsibility. Also, I can assure you that I've only scratched the surface of what she does for us, but I feel better getting it off my chest.
I love you Mrs. Felax.....
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